Film ID:
NEFA 21355



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This comedy is based on the audio spoofs scripted by US humourist Stan Freberg with Daws Butler, which combined the tales of ‘St George and the Dragon’ and ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ with the popular American 1950s radio -TV detective series Dragnet. Little Blue Riding Hood is accused of trafficking "goodies" by Detective Sergeant Joe Wednesday, a character based on "Joe" Friday, the fictional Dragnet detective. The film uses the 1953 recording by Freberg and Daws as a soundtrack along with the trademark musical themes of Dragnet and also the James Bond movies. A transcript of the sound track is included with the viewing list. This film is a Newcastle & District Amateur Cinematographers Association (ACA) production.

Title: Newcastle & District ACA presents

Title: Little Blue Riding Hood

Credit: With Sylvia Harding

Walter Clark

Florence Richardson

Christine Young

Norah Cummin

Richard Steele

Bill Summers

Geoff Richardson

Jack Wrightson and Les Greaves

…all helped [both before and behind the scenes]

Credit: Their Activities Were Photographed & Recorded by Reg. Townsend and David Watson

Credit: The Whole Thing Was Directed & Put Together by George Cummin

Narrator: The story of Little Blue Riding Hood is true. Only the colour has been changed to prevent an investigation.

'Dragnet' opening music

The film opens with general views of a woody glade, then the exterior of a stone building with a sign for “The Woods Police Station”. A homicide detective in a jauntily tilted Trilby hat speaks to camera.

Joe (voice-over): This is The Woods. My name is Wednesday, and I work outta homicide. Monday, February the 2nd, 10:22am. Bumped into Chicken Lickin'. Told me the sky was falling. I booked her on a 614, turned her over to the psychiatrists.

A woman, Chicken Lickin’, leans against the police reception desk, looking cool in dark sunglasses and chewing gum furiously. Frank, the Desk Sergeant, books her in. The police psychiatrist arrives to collect her and takes the report. He walks her upstairs.

Detective Sergeant Joe Wednesday goes to his office and makes out a report. He is handed his numbered reports and a note that reads: “Chief wants to see you.” He adds up all the numbers of his call-outs. A hand reaches down and scribbles 100%.

Joe (voice-over): Then a call came in on a 503. When I was on my way to the 503, a 618 came in. I added up the 614, the 503 and the 618. Got 1735. I handed in my paper to the Chief, he corrected it, gave me 100%, and patted me on the head. Told me I was a good cop.

Joe asks “You call me Chief?”

Chief: Yeah, it’s the dragon again, devouring maidens.

The Chief hands him a No. 614: “Subject: Chicken Lickin (Female). Report: Subject is in a very advanced state of BUBBLEGUM ADDICTION – hallucinations – about a RING and a DRAGON and being nearly DEVOURED. “The SKY IS FALLING” may be a gang cede or password.”

Joe asks “Mmmhmm...You got any leads?”

Chief: Nothing much to go on. Say did you take that 45 into the lab to have them check on it?

Joe: Yeah, you were right.

Chief: I was right?

Joe: Yeah, it was a gun

The Chief leaves. Joe folds his report and puts it in his raincoat pocket. He puts his handgun in the other inside pocket. He sees to his hat and leaves.

In another office, the police psychiatrist is interviewing Chicken Lickin. Detective Sergeant Joe enters, straddles a chair and begins to question her.

Joe: Could I talk to you Ma’am?

Chicken Lickin: Who ‘er you?

Joe: I'm Detective Sergeant Joe ma’am. Homicide ma’am. I want to ask you a few questions ma’am. I understand you were almost devoured by the ma’am is that right dragon?

Chicken Lickin: It was terrible, he breathed fire on me!

The psychiatrist holds his hand up to quiet Joe and points to the woman. She blows a giant bubble with her gum. The detective leaves her to the psychiatrist. He walks off into the woods, reading his report. A girl in a hooded cape, carrying a basket, walks towards him along the path. He stops to question her.

Joe: Pardon me, ma'am, could I talk to you for just a minute, ma'am?
Little Blue: What about?
Joe: Nothing much, ma'am. Just wanna' ask you a few questions, ma'am. What's your name?
Little Blue: Little Blue Riding Hood.
Joe: Where ya' going, ma'am?
Little Blue: Grandma's house.
Joe: Yes, ma'am. Whad'ya got in the basket?
Little Blue (defensively): Whad'ya trying to say, I got something in the basket I shouldn't have?
Joe: No, ma'am, I didn't say that.
Little Blue: Then whad'ya asking me all these questions for?
Joe: Just routine, ma'am. We just wanna' get the facts. May I have a look in that basket, ma'am?
Little Blue: Be my guest.
Joe: Let's see. Sawed-off shotgun. Knife. Bludgeon. Box of dumdum shells. Nothing suspicious here. All right, ma'am, we may want to talk to you later, so don't leave the woods.

Little Blue Riding Hood skips off down the path.

Joe (voice-over): She skipped on down the path. But she didn't know I'd seen the concealed compartment in the basket. In it, what I'd suspected all along - goodies.

He slips off the path into the wood.

Joe (voice-over): My job - get to Grandma's before she did. I took a shortcut through the strawberry patch. It was sort of a strawberry shortcut.

A sign points to “Grandma’s House. Beware of the Dragon. (Fire-breathing - Devours Maidens)” He follows the path. On the back of the sign it reads: “P.S. Devours Cops Too”. A boy in a flat cap leans up against a tree, filing his nails. The detective questions him.

Joe: Pardon me sir, could I talk to you for just a minute sir?

Knave: Sure I don't mind. 

Joe: What do you do for a living?

Knave: I'm a knave. 

Joe: Didn't they pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts? 

Knave: Yeah, so what. You wanna make a federal case out of it? 

Joe No sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighbourhood. We just wanted to know if you'd seen him. 

Knave: Sure I've seen him. 

Joe: Mmhmm, could you describe him for me? 

Knave: What's to describe, you see one dragon you've seen 'em all! 

Joe: Would you try and remember sir, just for the record. We just want to get the facts sir. 

Knave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polkadots... 

Joe: Yes, sir. 

Knave: ...purple feet, breathing fire and smoke, 

Joe: mmmhmm 

Knave: ...and one big bloodshot eye, right in the middle of his forehead, and uh, like that. 

Joe: Notice anything unusual about him? 

Knave: No, he's just the run of the mill dragon, you know. 

Joe: Mmhmm, yes sir, you can go now. 

After questioning the Knave, he lets him go. The Knave turns back.

Knave: Hey, hey! By the way, how you gonna catch him? 

Joe: I thought you'd never ask. A dragon net.

The detective tramps through the bracken and uncovers a telephone. A gun shot rings out and his hat falls off. He ducks for cover. Another shot knocks his hat out of reach. He hides next to a tree. He takes out his notebook and writes a 310: “1 new hat”. He examines his hat and settles down, closing his eyes. A huge spider drops on his head. He wakes, slowly goes for his gun. A hand reaches over and picks off the spider. A woman in a 1960s dress with a bouffant hairstyle explains that she’s Little Miss Muffet and that he’s sitting on her tuffet. He apologises. She walks away, but turns and says: “Oh and give my love to Grandma.”

The detective turns and continues on his way.

The Bond theme music plays.

Suddenly an arrow hits the tree in front of him. He pulls out the arrow and reads the note attached. It reads: “Grandma’s House is thataway (arrow). Thisaway is my territory. Keep Out. Remember What Happened to Cock Robin. The Sparrow.”

The detective looks into the woods. A boy in a Robin Hood style costume with a bow and arrow emerges from the bracken. He points in a direction. The detective waves OK. He continues that way. He walks up to Grandma’s house. He rings the bell. Inside, Grandma is laying in a single bed in a bonnet reading a newspaper. The detective walks in with his gun out.

Joe: OK, Grandma, it's a raid.

Grandma (acting surprised): A raid? Why, I'm just a peace-loving old lady, you've got the wrong grandma.

Joe: Yes, ma'am. We just wanna' get the facts. Where'd you get that bump on your head?

Grandma: The sky fell on me this morning.

He takes Grandma outside. Little Blue Riding Hood is coming along the path singing a Beatles tune, whilst picking leaves from a daisy: “He loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves me yeah, yeah, yeah ...”

The detective goes back inside Grandma’s cottage wearing her bonnet, and gets into the bed. There’s a knock on the door.

Joe (making no attempt to disguise his voice): Come in, ma'am.

Little Blue: Hello, gramma, I got the loot. What're you doin' in bed?

Joe: I'm feeling poorly.

Little Blue: But gramma, what big ears you have!

Joe: All the better to get the facts. I just wanna' get the facts, ma'am.

Little Blue: But gramma, what a big subpoena you have in your pocket!

Joe: All the better to serve you with.

Little Blue: But gramma, what a big 38 police special you have pointed at me!

Joe: All the better to take you in. You're under arrest. You and your grandma are operating a goodies ring.

Little Blue (sadly): A cop. I shoulda' known.

Joe: Known what, ma'am?

Little Blue (sadly): You look nothing like my gramma. You forgot about the moustache.

Joe: But I don't have a moustache.

Little Blue: I know. But gramma does.

She holds out her hands for the handcuffs. Suddenly, a dragon appears at the window and breathes out fire (some basic special effects!) The detective reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a sword.

Dragon: Hi, I’m the fire-breathing dragon. You must be St George, right?

Joe: Yes, sir.

Dragon: I see you gotta new 45 calibre sword.

Joe: That’s about the size of it.

The dragon laughs raucously.

Dragon: You slay me.

Joe: That’s what I want to talk to you about. I’m taking you in on a 502.

Dragon: What’s the charge?

Joe: You figure it out. Devouring maidens out of season.

Dragon: Out of season? You’ll never pin that rap on me. You hear me, cop?

Joe: Yeah, I hear you. I got you on a 412 too.

Dragon: A 412? What’s a 412?

Joe: Overacting. Let’s go.

Little Blue Riding Hood and Grandma sneak away.

Joe (voice-over): On September 15th, the dragon was tried and convicted. His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked.

The dragon’s claws are handcuffed. Little Blue Riding Hood piggy-backs Grandma away. The Knave crosses out “Beware of Fire-Breathing Dragon” on the sign to Grandma’s house. Another sign has been put up: “This way to see The Dragon. Harmless! Educational! Bring the Children!” On the back of the sign: “P.S. Still Devours Cops”. The Knave files his nails under a sign on a tree that reads: “Pay Here”.

Back at The Woods Police Station, the detective is sitting with his feet up on the desk. Frank, the desk sergeant brings in Little Blue Riding Hood’s basket with items labelled “Exhibit A” etc.

Frank: Well, I see you broke the goodies ring. How'd you get a lead on 'er, Joe?

Joe: I just played a hunch, Frank. It was just a hunch. I played my luck; sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't, I was just lucky, I just played a hunch, Frank.

Frank: What you're trying to say, Joe, is you just played a hunch. A lucky guess. Sometimes a hunch pays off, sometimes it doesn't. You just played a hunch. Is that what you're trying to tell me, Joe?

Joe: Yeah. I just played a hunch.

Joe (voice-over): There are 9 million stories in this neck of the woods. This has been one that television missed.

Title: The End